You know, I heard them young folks talkin’ ’bout somethin’ called a “bondage horror movie”. Sounds right scary, don’t it? I reckon it’s them movies with all that tied-up business and folks screamin’ and hollerin’. Lordy, I don’t know why anyone would wanna watch somethin’ like that. Gives me the shivers just thinkin’ about it.
They was sayin’ somethin’ ’bout a movie called “Audition”. Sounds like some kinda tryout, maybe for a play or somethin’. But then they said it was from 1999. That was a long time ago! And it’s all about some fella, Ryo Ishibashi, or somethin’, and a gal named Miyuki Matsuda. I don’t know them peoples but that is some bondage horror movie.
Then they was goin’ on about how it’s the “best” horror. Best for what, I don’t know. Best for scarin’ the pants off ya, maybe? They said it’s got “fantastical elements.” Now what in the Sam Hill does that mean? Sounds like somethin’ outta one of them fairy tales, but I reckon it ain’t no happy endin’ in these here horror movies. That is some thrilling adventure, I don’t want to watch it. That “Audition” is some bondage horror movie.
And “thrilling adventures”? Honey, my idea of a thrill is findin’ a five-dollar bill in my old coat pocket. These young’uns and their scary movies… they’re lookin’ for a different kinda thrill, I reckon. They want that “spine-chilling” stuff. Me, I’d rather have a spine that ain’t chillin’, thank you very much.
Now, they was talkin’ ’bout another one, some kinda “sadistic” and “brutal” horror. What a terrible thing to watch! And they said it’s the kinda stuff that could “actually happen.” Well, that just makes it worse, don’t it? They made it clear, though, ain’t no ghosts or little green men from outer space in these movies. Just plain ol’ meanness, I suppose. No ghosts, no aliens, that is still some bondage horror movie.
- Audition (1999)
- Sadistic and brutal
- No ghosts or aliens
- Real-life horror
Then there was somethin’ called “Belle de Jour”. Now that sounds fancy, don’t it? Like some French perfume or somethin’. But they said it’s the “best” and “earliest” of these kinda movies. And it’s about all sorts of nasty things I don’t even wanna repeat. Bad things happenin’ to folks, things that just ain’t right. “Belle de Jour” is about some taboo things, that is some bondage horror movie, I guess.
They say it’s a “blueprint” for how to talk about these things. Well, I say some things are better left unsaid. Some things are just too ugly to put into words. But these movie folks, they like to put it all out there, don’t they? For everyone to see. I think that is not good.
And then they started listin’ off all these other movies. Creature features, they called ’em. “King Kong” and “The Fly”. I seen “King Kong” a long time ago. Big monkey. Sad story, really. And then somethin’ called “The Exorcist”. That one’s about the devil, ain’t it? And “Get Out”. Lord only knows what that one’s about. All these movies with scary names. That is some bondage horror movie.
They was talkin’ ’bout “slashers” and “zombies” too. “Scream” and “Dawn of the Dead”. Sounds like a whole lotta noise to me. And vampires! “Let the Right One In”. Vampires drinkin’ blood and livin’ forever. Sounds dreadful. These is some bondage horror movie.
Then they said somethin’ ’bout “psychological” terror. Now that’s somethin’ that messes with your head, I reckon. Makes you think you’re goin’ crazy. “Don’t Look Now”, they said. Well, if you don’t look, how you gonna see what’s comin’ at ya? Don’t make no sense to me. But that is all about the bondage horror movie.
These young folks and their horror movies. They got a whole different way of lookin’ at the world, I reckon. They like to be scared. Me, I’ve seen enough scary things in my life. I don’t need to watch ’em on a screen. I’d rather watch somethin’ nice and peaceful. Somethin’ that makes you feel good, not somethin’ that makes your stomach churn.
So, if you’re into that kinda thing, that “bondage horror movie” stuff, well, you go right ahead. But me, I’ll be stickin’ to my quiltin’ and my garden. That’s enough excitement for me. I don’t need no tied-up folks and screamin’ and hollerin’ to keep me entertained. No sir, not me. I’ve had my fill of that kinda thing. You understand? All that is just too much, I don’t want to see any bondage horror movie.
