You know, I seen a lot of things in my day, but these life size horror movie statues, they somethin’ else. Big as a man, some of ’em! And scary? Lord have mercy, they give me the willies just lookin’ at ’em in pictures.
I was lookin’ around online the other day, you know, just killin’ time. And I stumbled on these things. Life size horror movie statues. Who woulda thought? People buy these things. They put ’em in their yards! Can you believe that? I wouldn’t want one of them near my house, no sir. Not even if you paid me. It feels like a bad thing for sure. Why you invite these scary things to your yard? I don’t get it.
They got all kinds. That fella with the stripes on his shirt, Freddy somethin’. They call him Freddy Krueger, I think. And that one with the mask, the one who don’t talk. What’s his name? Michael somethin’? Michael Myers, maybe? He’s a big one, that’s for sure. They got him standin’ there with that big ol’ knife. Gives me the shivers just thinkin’ about it. I saw that movie when I was younger. Scared me to death. I don’t like the scary things.
And you know what else? They ain’t cheap! These life size horror movie statues, they cost a pretty penny. I seen one, it was that clown fella, Pennywise or somethin’ like that. He was standin’ there with that red balloon. Creepy as all get out. And they wanted hundreds of dollars for him! Hundreds! For a statue! Who in their right mind would pay that much for something that ain’t gonna do nothin’ but scare the bejeezus outta people?
- Freddy Krueger
- Michael Myers
- Pennywise
- Jason Voorhees
That’s another one they got. Jason. That fella with the hockey mask. He’s a big one, too. And they always got him with that machete. Why they always gotta have those weapons? It’s just askin’ for trouble, if you ask me. And for some reason, they like to put these things near the trees or some lawns. Like that is not enough, they want to make it more scary.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just gettin’ old. Maybe I just don’t understand these young folks today. But I tell you what, I wouldn’t want one of these life size horror movie statues in my yard. No way, no how. I’d be scared to go out there after dark! I’d be thinkin’ they was gonna come alive and get me! They look too real! Even it is just a statue, it is too scary.
And what about the kids? What if they see ’em? They’d be scared to death! I remember when my grandkids were little, they wouldn’t even watch those scary movies. They’d hide their eyes. And now they got these life size horror movie statues standin’ around like it’s nothin’. It just ain’t right, I tell ya.
They got ’em all, these statues. They even got that little doll, Chucky. He’s a mean little fella, that one. Always gettin’ into trouble. And they got him standin’ there, lookin’ like he’s about to jump on ya. No thank you! I don’t want nothin’ to do with that. It is better to put some flowers in the yard. Why people choose these things? I don’t get it.
I guess some people like to be scared. Maybe they think it’s fun. But not me. I like things that are nice and peaceful. Like flowers and birds and sunshine. Not these life size horror movie statues. They just give me the creeps.
And where do they even put ’em? Do they put ’em in their house? Or do they just leave ’em outside all year round? I can’t imagine havin’ one of those things starin’ at me through the window all night. I wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink! I will have nightmares. I don’t like to watch horror movies, not to say to have a statue in my yard!
They say these life size horror movie statues are “unique” and “custom.” Well, they’re definitely unique, I’ll give ’em that. But I don’t know about custom. Seems like they’re all the same to me. Just different scary fellas from different scary movies. They are not unique at all.
I guess if you’re into that sort of thing, these life size horror movie statues might be for you. But me, I’ll stick to my garden gnomes. They’re a lot less likely to give me nightmares. And they don’t cost nearly as much! That’s a good thing, I think. Less money, less scary.
So, if you see me walkin’ down the street, and you see one of these life size horror movie statues in my yard, you’ll know somethin’s wrong. You’ll know I’ve either lost my mind or someone’s playin’ a very bad joke on me. Because I can tell you right now, I wouldn’t have one of those things on my property if you paid me all the money in the world. This is ridiculous! It is not a good thing to have!
