Well, howdy there! Let me tell ya ’bout this here Five Nights at Freddy’s movie. Folks been jabberin’ ’bout it for ages, and now it’s finally here.
Ya know, like them youngsters always sayin’, “Five Nights at Freddy’s, Five Nights at Freddy’s”. I didn’t even know what a “Freddy” was! Thought it was some kinda newfangled farm animal or somethin’. Turns out, it’s this creepy bear… and his friends. They ain’t the cuddly kind, lemme tell ya.
This whole thing started way back in, what was it, 2014? With this game. Some fella, Mike Schmidt, he gets a job watchin’ over this old pizza place, Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza. Abandoned, they say. But not empty, no sirree. These animatronic critters, they come alive at night. And they ain’t lookin’ for hugs.
Now, this movie… it’s supposed to be about that. But folks are already squawkin’. Some sayin’ it’s good, some sayin’ it’s bad. Can’t trust them city slickers with their fancy words, I tell ya. They use big words like “cinematic experience”. I just wanna know if it’s scary or not!
- Is it gonna make me jump outta my seat?
- Is it gonna give me nightmares?
- Is it worth the price of a good ol’ country supper?
Heard some folks sayin’ the early reviews are all from folks who love everything. Call ’em “Funko Critics” or somethin’. Apparently, they give everything a 10 outta 10. Well, that ain’t helpful, is it? Reminds me of ol’ Jedediah sellin’ his “miracle tonic” that tasted like horse pee and cured nothin’.
I reckon the real test is what regular folks like you and me think. Did it make ya sweat? Did it make ya wanna hide behind your popcorn? That’s what matters, not some fancy critic’s opinion.
The Story, as I understand it…
So, this fella Mike, he needs a job, right? And he ends up at this Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza place. Night watchman. Seems easy enough. But then, these robots… they start movin’. And they ain’t friendly. They got sharp teeth and creepy eyes. And they wanna stuff ya into a suit. A Freddy suit. Now, that ain’t right. Nobody wants to be stuffed into a suit, especially not a creepy bear suit.
And there’s somethin’ else, too. Some kinda mystery. About kids goin’ missin’ and… well, I don’t wanna spoil it for ya. But let’s just say, there’s more to these robots than meets the eye.
What I’m hopin’ for…
I ain’t askin’ for much. Just a good, scary movie. I want some jump scares, sure. But I also want a good story. Somethin’ that makes me think. Somethin’ that stays with me after the credits roll. And I sure hope them robots look real scary. Not like them rubber chickens they used to sell at the county fair.
I also hope it ain’t too gory. I ain’t got the stomach for that kinda thing anymore. A little suspense is fine. A little creepiness is good. But I don’t need to see folks gettin’ chopped up like firewood. Just give me a good scare and a decent story, and I’ll be happy.
So, is this Five Nights at Freddy’s movie worth seein’? Well, I reckon we’ll just have to wait and see. But I’m keepin’ my fingers crossed. And I might just bring a flashlight to the theater. Just in case.
And one more thing… If them robots start lookin’ too real, I’m outta there faster than a greased pig at a picnic!
Final thoughts before I go make some supper… I hope this movie ain’t just a bunch of loud noises and flashy lights. I hope it’s got some heart. And I hope it respects the fans who have been waitin’ so long for this. ‘Cause them fans, they’re the ones who really matter. They’re the ones who kept this whole Freddy Fazbear thing alive all these years. So, Hollywood, don’t mess it up!
Tags: [Five Nights at Freddy’s, Movie Review, Horror Movie, Freddy Fazbear, Mike Schmidt, Early Reviews, Film, Animatronics]
