Alright, so you wanna know about them movie reviews, the ones from… uh… that USCCB place? Yeah, I heard about it. Sounds fancy, but lemme tell ya, it ain’t that complicated. They just watch movies and tell ya if they’re good or bad, you know, like if they got too much… uh… *ahem*… “lovey-dovey” stuff or too much fightin’. Simple as that.
What’s this USCCB thing anyway? Well, from what I gather, it’s a bunch of… uh… church folks, yeah, them Catholic people. They got this big ol’ group and they like to give their opinions on things, movies being one of ‘em. They watch all sorts, ya know, the ones with the superheroes, the ones with the… uh… people kissin’, and even the ones that make ya think a bit too much.
They got their own way of doin’ things, mind you. They don’t just say “good” or “bad”. They got these letters, like A-I, A-II, A-III, L and O. Don’t ask me what they all mean exactly, but it’s like, A-I is for everyone, even the little kids. A-II is for the bigger kids and the grown-ups. A-III is just for grown-ups. L… well, that’s when things get a bit… uh… “spicy”, ya know? And O… that’s when they really don’t like it. Says it’s bad for ya soul or somethin’.
- A-I: Safe for everyone, like them cartoons your grandkids watch.
- A-II: Okay for teens and grown-ups. Maybe a little bit of… uh… you know…
- A-III: Just for grown-ups. They talk about grown-up stuff, ya see.
- L: Might make ya blush a little. Not for the faint of heart.
- O: Stay away from it! They say it’s real bad.
They don’t just give ya the letter, though. They tell ya why they gave it that letter. Like, if there’s too much bang-bang, they’ll say “some violence”. Or if there’s… uh… people gettin’ too close, they’ll say somethin’ like “sexual innuendo”. They try to be polite about it, but you get the idea.
And where do they keep all these reviews? Well, they got this… uh… “archives” they call it. Sounds fancy, right? It’s just a place where they keep all their old reviews. So, if you wanna know what they thought about some old movie, you can go look it up. They got papers and files and all sorts of stuff. Must be a big room!
Now, why would you care what these church folks think about movies? Well, some folks like to know if a movie is gonna be… uh… “appropriate”, ya know? Especially if they got kids. They don’t wanna be watchin’ somethin’ and then somethin’… *ahem*… “uncomfortable” happens. So, they check these reviews to make sure it’s okay.
And get this, you can even get these reviews sent to ya, like a subscription! They call it “free subscriptions” but nothin’s really free, is it? You probably gotta give ‘em your name and address and who knows what else. But if you really wanna know what they think, you can get it delivered right to your door… or your mailbox… or your email, I guess. They got a phone number too, if you wanna call ‘em up and chat. 888-275-9953, somethin’ like that. Talk about fancy!
So, what kind of movies do they review? All sorts, like I said. They got reviews for them superhero movies, them love stories, and even them… uh… “artsy” movies that nobody understands. They even reviewed one called “The Great Warning”, sounds scary! And another one called “Becoming a True Fisherman: Captains Courageous”, probably about fishin’. They even got somethin’ about “12 Preachable Points”, which sounds like church stuff to me.
Anyways, that’s the gist of it. These USCCB folks watch movies, give ‘em a letter grade, and tell ya why. They keep it all in their… uh… “archives” and you can even get it sent to ya if you want. Simple as that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go make some supper.
In short, them USCCB folks just wanna help you pick good movies, the kind that won’t make ya blush or feel ashamed. It’s like having a friend who tells ya, “Hey, that movie ain’t for ya kids,” or “That one’s got some pretty strong stuff in it.” It ain’t perfect, but it’s somethin’.
Tags: [Catholic Movie Reviews, USCCB, Movie Ratings, Film Reviews, Catholic Film Criticism, Family Movies, Adult Movies, Morality in Film]
